What if?

I'm struggling tonight. Moved to tears by the song Blessings by Laura Story. Actually, it was more like bawling. Tears streaming down my face. Me desperately trying not to make noises since my children are asleep. Listening to the words and taking them to heart. "What if the trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?" What if, indeed? What if what I see as a trial in my life is God's mercy on me because the alternative (whatever that may be) is much worse? What if my trials are to bring me closer to the God who loves me? What if what is so heart wrenching in this life is meant to glorify him? What if it's the one thing that truly allows me to see him and his mercy and his love toward me? What if? Then, it's worth it. To be filled with a peace I cannot begin to comprehend, for God to show his mercy and his love by giving me that peace, it's worth it. For me to know that he hears every cry of my heart, big or small, it's worth it. I serve a God who loves me. I serve a God who knows my every need and my every want. I just have to remember that his timing is not my timing. His timing is perfect. Mine is not. Clinging to the peace that has invaded my soul tonight.