That...was God

I just had a conversation with a friend from high school. She is a new Christian and just from her conversation, I can tell a difference in her. I appreciate her willingness to open up to me and tell me some of the ways Satan is attacking her and her husband. At the same time, God was nudging me..."See what she's saying there about her situation with her husband? That's YOU." And not on the good end of the situation. My eyes were opened to how a stubborn person can come across to their family. How the "I know what I need to do, but don't you DARE tell me I need to do it" attitude comes across as selfish and uncaring and when it concerns God's Word, backslidden. See, I'm stubborn. Always have been. I have been known to take pride in the fact that I'm stubborn. Maybe that's really not such a good thing. Maybe I need to back off from the mindset that I'm always right. And even when I'm wrong, I'm still right. Yeah. I know I do. And being in the Word? Yes. I know I need to dive in and live there. I hear it EVERY time I'm in church. Yes, every time. It comes at me in Sunday School and church. When I am in the Word, things aren't necessarily easier because I'm being attacked more by Satan. His attack on me is apathy. Apathy: absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement. Yes, I think that hits the nail on the head. And now, the question is how does one become unapathetic? (I don't even know if that's a word or not). In the few days that I participated in the 40 days of fasting and praying, God showed me that what I do has to be intentional. I have to intentionally set aside a time to spend in his Word. I have to intentionally turn off the computer, log off Facebook, turn off the TV, whatever. I need a plan, not just open my Bible and start reading. That may work for some people, but I've never really gotten far with it. I need accountability. Someone to ask me daily: Have you spent time with God? Have you been in his Word?

Yeah, I'm putting it all out there tonight, but maybe it's time to admit that I'm not where I want to be and that I really have a hard time setting aside time to spend with God. Maybe. It's. Just. Time.